Ritual Undressing
- Read more on this subject
- Download the manual for the ritual undressing, “Accepting the body”
- Read FAQ to Ritual Undressing
- Examples out of experience (scroll down)
- Ritual Undressing for Advanced
The end of the hide-and-seek game is when real love begins.
- Halux Valgus
Man and woman hide a lot from each other out of fear and shame. For a woman her concern with physical inadequacies is the most prevalent reason she feels ashamed or that she is not good enough. Are my breasts too small, too big, to saggy? Is my belly flabby? Cellulite and dents in the buttocks, pudgy legs, body hair; hair too thin, nose too long, mouth too small, crooked feet – the assortment of female points of criticism on their own body seems endless. Therefore during love play many women are often preoccupied with keeping “his” attention so that he will not notice an unloved body part. Can love play be fulfilling if a woman sucks in her stomach the entire time? Hardly any man would pass on sex because he has developed a belly. Generally speaking, a man places much less importance on physical details. Other issues are significant, like the size of his penis and particularly how well it holds up. Erection problems and fear of premature ejaculation can distract him from love play the same way as the woman’s fear of physical inadequacy. Also, with increasing age the fear of loss or impairment of male potency comes into play. Once all these games of hide-and-seek are revealed and shared with each other, those troublesome side effects of sexuality disappear or are integrated. This is when the reality starts, plain and simple and yet deep and close. Where fear and hiding gives way to a new openness is where true love begins – love that works.
Every person who has read this far already knows his/her individual issues. It may be unloved body parts which want to be freed at last from rejection and banishment. By showing what was hidden before, even with fear and shame, liberation happens. The unloved body parts can now, metaphorically speaking, sigh and through loving touches the pain can be resolved and life energy can now flow again everywhere. Blockages melt away. Altogether, energy is liberated for the actual love play (and for life itself). It is like every cell is freed from old burdens, programmed anew and revived. Many people are used to showing themselves naked on the beach or in the sauna. And, of course, in bed. If you look closely though, you notice, that they’re always playing hide-and-seek: belly sucked in, breast stuffed, towel wrapped around quickly … It may be the belly, that’s too fat. Or the legs with varicose veins. Or disliked teeth or dentures... Whatever your issue is, dare to express it and receive love and devotion right there where you have disliked your body up to now. Then and there your body will receive a new message, right at the spot where it has thus far been rejected. When it is consciously held, loved, welcomed, it can literally breathe a sigh of relief and start anew.
The ritual undressing is about getting undressed and showing oneself, taking a lot of time and with much communication. Particularly those body parts which have been rejected and covered with shame, which one finds unattractive or which have not been “normal” since birth or sickness, will receive attention. This is the external aspect of this ritual.
- Pigment disorder
For many people even this part is very difficult. Those who would like to take this ritual to a still deeper level can also talk about internal issues like difficulty in having orgasms, fear of loss of erection, etc. This way not only the body is exposed but the entire person shows himself or herself as nakedly as possible. Whoever shows his/her “wounds” opens the gate to love and true acceptance. Then healing happens beyond the body. The body simply shows the way. Whoever talks about fears he/she has hidden so long, and shows his/her vulnerability, can experience miracles. Sometimes the power to change grows out of this ritual. For example, if somebody who is considerably overweight shows himself/herself and experiences acceptance, now the person’s own acceptance can transform into a changing power. Either the extra poinds are now accepted, or weight loss starts out of love for oneself. The ritual goes beyond judgment. Through the courage to see the truth of the body the heart opens for a new perspective and you learn to love and accept yourself more the way you are.
Examples from personal experience …
- Belly crease
One woman in a seminar tells us that she has tucked in her stomach since puberty – all day, and especially when making love. When she now wants to breathe deeply and relaxedly into her stomach and let it go, se does not even know how to do that. The tension has become chronic and feels “normal”. She simply cannot experience her stomach (or herself) as freely relaxed.
During the ritual four loving female hands touch her belly–become-girdle. Cautiously she breathes to those loving hands, first tensed and flat, then more and more deeply. I encourage her to simply let go. It is like dying. She starts to shiver and then weeps long-suppressed pain. How she would have liked to be loved the way she was. How much fear was stuck in this decade-long holding on and holding in. Only after quite a while of breathing and holding and crying does the belly become a little softer. She has begun. Further loving touches, also coming from her partner, will help her to become totally natural again.
- Orange skin
A woman finds her breasts unattractive. Even before nursing her children they weren’t nice to look at, she says. After nursing all that was left were wrinkled sacs of skin. During sex she always distracted her sex partner in any way possible, so her breast hardly ever experienced being touched. Since the first undressing ritual in the circle of women she took heart and now asked men during sexual encounters to hold her unloved breasts and caress them. “I’m tired of hiding my breasts. I find them ugly. But I want to stop it now. I would be happy if you could touch me particularly lovingly there. It is hard for me because I’m so embarrassed when you see the part that I reject most of me.” Every man with she has been with has fulfilled her wish. It was very moving and released many suppressed tears. She believes, “Men have healed my breasts!”
- Freckles & pigments
P. tells: ”Unfortunately, as a woman, I inherited my father’s extreme hair growth. As a teenager I was already embarrassed that I had very hairy legs, thick eyebrows and even several “beard” hairs on my face. Later I found hair on my breast, individual long hairs, which I always pull out. I always depilated in secret and hoped I didn’t overlook anything. I was always afraid my lover would caress my legs and feel stubble. After the ritual undressing with my partner I still despise my growth of hair, but I don’t have to make as much effort to cover it up. And sometimes I lie in my lover’s arms and he lovingly tugs on my annoying facial hair. So it even saves me some work! This is something very intimate between us. No one else is allowed to get this close!”2
V. reports in the safety of our circle of women that she does not dare to have sex from behind. She always looks for excuses when her boyfriend makes this suggestion. The true reason, which her boyfriend probably would never guess, is that he is not supposed to see her sagging belly. She has looked at herself in this position several times in the mirror and she just cannot to bear it.