The steps of a Tantra ritual

A Tantra ritual takes place in a tantric temple. Arrange a holy space. You need a mat, a meditation cushion, a large towel and perhaps massage oil. Decorate your little temple with flowers, decorative cloths or scarves, candles and personal ritual items. Then shower and decorate yourself. You may like to tie a beautiful cloth around yourself, put a flower in your hair … An enchanting fragrance in an oil burner can fill the room and soft music warm the hearts. Make sure that the room is warm enough.

Further information and suggestions for the tantric temple

Sit in the ritual room together, you and your partner. Sit opposite each other in silence with your eyes closed for several minutes. Breathe the atmosphere gently and deeply into your heart charka (at the centre of your breast) and into your entire being. When you open your eyes, slowly look around, let everything that you see enter your being. Allow yourself to be touched by the preciousness of this moment of beauty in your little temple and your presence together. Then look into each other’s eyes. There is nothing to be done. Breathe slowly and deeply and feel you!

Connect deliberately and consciously with your partner. Take each other’s hand on one side. Feel into this possibility, entertaining the possibility, of being connected instead of being separated. Become aware of the temperature and the pressure of the hands and maybe also the fine vibration, the energy flowing between you. Feel the physical connection from human to human, from man to woman. The arms on the other side open upwards symbolically. In our world of polarity the sky is above and the earth is below, although in reality there is no above and below. In the world of form this gesture does indicate a conscious opening for that which is greater, is broader, is healing. It reminds you of the higher dimensions of your being and leads you inward.

Tantra itself is not a religion, but it does invite the spiritual dimension. It unites the earthly dimension with the heavenly one: sexuality with spirituality. Therefore the Tantra ritual starts with a silent prayer, during which the supporting forces at the deep core of your own being are invited. It is important that every person chooses the form suitable for him/her. Those who do not ascribe to any religion are invited to welcome characteristics which, for him or her, express that which is essential – such as healing, joy, love, mindfulness, respect. These are all aids to connect with the Source, which is actually formless. Sitting opposite each other, the Tantra partners connect with one hand, the other opening symbolically upwards.

Then fold your hands in front of your chest, so that your thumbs point to your heart centre, the middle of your chest, and gently touch there. Don’t press your arms tightly to your sides; leave some space underneath your arms. Consciously allow your shoulders to relax. This posture is found in many religions as the posture of prayer. It leads to centredness and presence. Feel the inside of your body, your heart in particular. Connect with everything that is important to you. Let your heart become as wide open as possible and give your ritual partner a good space in it.

As a sign of mutual respect and deep appreciation of what you are doing, bow in a heart-to-heart greeting until your foreheads touch. Feel into this touch and allow yourself to savour it. Dissolve together into the awareness of the touch at the third eye and forget everything else for a moment. Then come back in your time.

Now it is time to greet each other with words. Like a dance or a melody, words also have the ability to weave a band between you. It may be words which welcome and appreciate the other. You may recite holy mantras or stay completely natural: “It’s great that you’re doing this ritual with me. I’m glad that you are here.” Tantra books suggest “Namasté,” which means “I greet the Divine within you.” Don’t force words which don’t mean anything to you. Instead trust your heart and its impulses. Then take your time to talk about boundaries or limits which you would like to be respected during the following Tantra ritual.

Now the actual Tantra ritual begins. Everything before was the necessary tuning-in, opening the inner space for awareness and loving presence. We recommend starting with movement or dance. Afterwards the massage or one of the many other rituals found in the Tantra Download, may be conducted. You can paint your bodies or dive into a conscious love-making. Sometimes the Tantra ritual is heavenly, sometimes it is not. If you have asked for healing, healing will happen – how exactly this happens, however, is not in your power. Sometimes it is necessary to recognize destructive behavioural patterns in order to release them. In this case they may arise more distinctively than usual.

At the end of a Tantra ritual it is suggested that you lie side by side to just let the experience “be”, together. Pleasant music anchors the experience and nourishes your souls. Afterwards take your time to exchange experiences. Take turns talking. A structure for the conversation has proven to be a good idea. Limit the length of each person’s turn to speak, and take turns talking. The most beautiful gift during this open exchange is the truth of your experience: Which phase was easy, which was difficult? Where did I reach my limits? Which touches were good for me?

Only speak about your own experience. Make yourself “feel-able” for your partner.

Breathe in to your heart. While exhaling let your heart become so big that both of you can fit in it. For a moment become “one heart, one soul” by each letting him/herself be embraced and permeated by each other’s hearts. Still bathing in your melted hearts, open your eyes. Take enough time to experience the Divine in the other as mirror of yourself. As at the beginning, give thanks to the powers you had invited to join in as support for this experience.

Bow to each other with folded hands as expression of high regard and respect for one another. Allow this touch of the third eye to enter you deeply with your breath. Allow it to penetrate you, maybe even down into your heart. Exchange personal words of gratitude, perhaps, “I thank you for allowing me to touch you!” It is nice to clean up the temple together in silence, or to allow for an open end and see what else wants to take place between you. How about agreeing on another date in the tantric temple?