What is the difference between daily life and a Tantra ritual?
For many people daily life is a great challenge full of activity, demands, problems and worries. Some feel chased and like powerless game balls of situations. . They think and act unconsciously and automatically. Many people are trapped in their inner programmes like a computer – formed and programmed by the experiences in early childhood and throughout their life history. These programmes influence and direct their habitual thoughts, automatic expressions and everything they do. Which naturally includes their love life, too. Very few people treat each other consciously during sex. Many are not really “there.” Some women complain, “My partner goes into sexual ecstasy and is trapped in his horniness. He is not really aware of me.” This is true for many people once they get beyond a certain point of sexual lust. They lose contact with their partner. This may be one reason, among others,why many people withdraw from sexuality. Tantra rituals are spaces of higher consciousness and presence. Like training wheels on a bicycle, they assist us to step out of the spirals of thought circling between past and future. They invite us to arrive in the present and to stay there a while. Happiness exists only in the present. The future has not arrived yet. It is only imagination. The same is true for the past. The Now is continuously drowned out by the noise of our thoughts about the future or the past, all the while the present is reaching out its hand to us in a perpetual invitation. Tantra rituals help us recognize the Now and give ourselves over to it. So not only is the experience of Tantra rituals in itself a gift – the rituals also serve enable people to meet in a completely new and healing way. Tantra shows couples who were about to separate or have enormous difficulties in their relationship new and very healing way to each other. For singles the Tantra encounter offers the opportunity to get involved with each other in a holistic way.
What has Tantra got to do with religion?
People are a support for each other when they share with and are interested in each other. However, each person also has a strong supporting force in her/his core. This force is shapeless. It can be experienced beyond the noise of thoughts. Some call it love or being. Some call it God or healing power. Yet the name alone is a constriction in itself. In various religions of this world people try to connect with this inner source through prayers. But no religion, no particular form is needed. Everyone is warmly welcomed in Tantra, whether with or without her/his own religion. Tantra itself is not a religion, but invites the spiritual dimension. It unites the earthly dimension with the heavenly dimension – sexuality with spirituality. Therefore the Tantra ritual begins with an inner prayer inviting the supporting powers deep in the core of your own being. It is important that every person chooses a form which feels appropriate for her/him. Religious people can invite prophets, saints or angels to the Tantra ritual. Those who practise a particular religion may use this form. Those who have no religion at all can invite characteristics which express that which is most essential for her/him, such as healing, joy, love, awareness, mindfulness, respect. You may also invite personalities from human history that have significance to you or serve you as a source of power. All these are aids to connect with the source which, in actuality, is shapeless. They are translation aids for something that cannot be translated. In some Tantra schools mantras are recited for hours on end. In our culture, however, many people cannot relate to this practice at all. If you are able to reach deeper dimensions of your being with these holy sounds, feel free to begin your Tantra ritual with them. Everybody should choose with the form of ‘attunement’ which best suits his / her nature. The invitation of the “healing powers” can happen in silence or can be spoken out loud by the partners, which increases the effect and intensifies the encounter. Sharing the “holy of holiest” with each other, can become the most intimate experience between two people. In the process of connecting with the “higher power” one leaves the “small ego”, the limited world of the mind, and opens for the ‘wonder-full’. The focus in all of this is always on the well-being of everyone participating in the Tantra ritual. Healing is never for one person alone. Nobody can win at the expense of another.
Does one have to keep to the structure of a Tantra ritual? Should a Tantra ritual be planned?
The external frame and attunement give the form and structure to a Tantra ritual. The Tantra ritual should be planned out in detail by one of the ritual partners, otherwise the ego has too many opportunities to get off track (like discussions and arguments). Only when the tantric frame determines what is supposed to happen can the Tantra ritual run smoothly. It is advised that the person who guides through the ritual be the one who prepared it. The partners can take turns. The external form and planning are the training wheels which make the exit from the day-to-day consciousness possible. However within the Tantra ritual there should be ample time for the unforeseen, ideally after the planned part. The decision for a Tantra ritual is a commitment to enter a more observant space together. This conscious space contains a higher alertness and presence. A person is able to open himself/herself more, and more deeply, in comparison to daily life. This is why he / she becomes softer and more vulnerable. The more clearly the external structure of the Tantra ritual is observed the more opening can happen and love can express itself. After a Tantra ritual time of silence is needed. Sometimes it comes on its own. Suddenly inner processes and outer action become much more mindful and conscious.
How often should Tantra rituals be conducted?
It is nice to enrich and enchant daily life with a Tantra ritual every once in a while. Given the expenditure of time and other effort, many people won’t be able to conduct a Tantra ritual often. It may well be compared with going to a gourmet restaurant. You go only occasionally and then enjoy every single bite. Such “high times,” however, are beneficial for love and prepare the participants for more consciousness even in daily life. Even if ritual time only happens once a month, the love between the ritual partners gains territory instead of being consumed by a packed daily schedule. In a steady relationship a set weekly partnership evening is recommended, sometimes with a Tantra ritual, sometimes with more spontaneous things. Whatever the ‘activity,’ the physical exchange should always have its place.
Can there be a dispute during a Tantra ritual?
Yes, there can. Usually people inexperienced with rituals get into disagreements actually even before the Tantra ritual, so they don’t even conduct the planned ritual. The resistance to more consciousness and love seem to appear rather prominently, at least during the initial phase. Many couples must first pass through the phase of resistance in order to be able to treat themselves to more love. In this case support is beneficial. Some people ease these initial problems by exploring the new spaces in Tantra seminars under guidance. Then transferring thatl into daily life is easier. A Tantra ritual is sometimes heavenly and sometimes not. When you have asked for healing, healing will happen – but HOW that healing happens can take many forms. Healing isn’t always floating in seventh heaven. For example, the difficulty someone has in receiving love may become visible. A person with this difficulty will constantly nag and give the giver a difficult time. In the space of greater consciousness it then becomes clear, like through a magnifying glass, what is disturbing the relationship. It is important never to interrupt the Tantra ritual in such a case. The person who has asked for healing will receive healing. There is no exception. Sometimes a destructive structure of relating is revealed so clearly that it can be recognized, looked at and maybe overcome. Sometimes tears flow because they finally need to come. Sometimes there is silence and nothing external, so that you think that nothing happened. The best is not to visualize or make your own picture of how healing should take place. Our small mind, our understanding, cannot know this. If you find yourself “entangled” in a Tantra ritual, just end it “by the book” (see “Sequence of a Tantra ritual”). Afterwards each person returns to her/his “world” and it is advisable to wait to exchange experiences at another point in time. This way each of you has time to reflect on what happened for her/him, and come to his / her own insights or realizations.
What is the difference between ritual structure and ritual content?
You will find the ritual structure on the page “Sequence of a Tantra ritual.” The transformation of a room into a little temple, attunement through meditation, inviting the forces and the heart-to-heart greeting belong to the structure as well as the frank, verbal exchange at the end, thanking the forces and the farewell with a heart-to-heart bow. In-between you have the ritual content, the particular Tantra ritual you have planned.
Which Tantra rituals can I practise at home?
Your ritual may contain any of the Tantra massages available on this webpage – Tantra whole body massage, Tantra breast massage, Tantra yoni massage, Tantra lingam massage, Tantra anus massage. Other intuitive massages, like facial massage, footbath and foot massage, back massage, or hand massage are also recommended. The gentle penetration is also suitable.
This already gives anyone who wants to get started a large selection.