How Family Constellations help in “Daily Life”
The little garden of love
- Appreciation
For most couples, sharing daily life means living under one roof. In some cases this is not possible or appropriate. For some people only a “little garden of love” is available. Each earlier bond continues to have an effect. So after two marriages with children in each, there is not much left for a third partner. When the little garden of love – as Bert Hellinger calls it – is agreed to, the most beautiful flowers can grow and the love can expand greatly. One way to agree to the little garden is to waive living together when it is not manageable due to the various life contexts.
Appreciation between woman and man
In Tantra books we see that man and woman bow to each other at the beginning and the end of a Tantra ritual. This, called the heart-to-heart greeting in Tantra, has the meaning of “Namasté – I greet the Divine within you!” The ritual partners practise, with each other, looking to the essence of the being – beyond human form. In other words it is not the mind and its judgement looking, but the eyes of the heart are invited. Wholistic seeing always happens in and from the heart. This way you see the other as creature, as something the creator has effected and part of creation, as an aspect of the Divine. In this respect Tantra always opens the spiritual view of the world. Through Family Constellation this gesture of bowing to each other has attained a more tangible and very powerful dimension. When a man bows to a woman, he also bows to all women in this world and to femininity as a whole. The same accounts for the woman. She honours in this man all men in her life, the men of this world (beyond time and space) and the global ‘manhood.’ If then the sentence “I waive wanting to change you” is said and meant, man and woman breathe a great sigh of relief. Love doesn’t require us to understand the other in his or her differentness. It only requires that the other is allowed to be, and is appreciated and accepted, just the way he/she is. This means in the end the abandonment of all attempts to improve or change the other. And this is the only and greatest challenge of love in daily life. “He who wants to change his/her partner, will loose him(her)!” This sentence is by Bert Hellinger. You might not lose your partner visibly through these attempts to “educate” them. Sometimes the departure is “only” inner.Vom
Give and take in a partnership
The insights on the cycle of give and take are enormously precious for a good partnership in daily life. The basis for a successful partnership is a balanced relationship between give and take. If each “gives” and “takes” equally from the other, the cycle of love is closed and it flows naturally, and feels right. In sexuality this means that each one lusts after the other and each one lets the other do as he/she pleases, too. In many relationships, however, the give and take is not balanced or are barely there. This is not beneficial for love. On the contrary - love then withers, as does the erotism. The basics presented here are meant to shed light on this relationship and on how a couple can bring the flow of love back to life and keep it flowing. Read more here »
Tantra rituals in daily life
For a successful partnership in daily life the insights and helpful tools Bert Hellinger provides are just as necessary as the Tantra aids for sexuality. Of course the spirituality shared with a partner is superb. However, this is seldom possible and not absolutely necessary, either. There are couples who celebrate Tantra rituals regularly on a continuous basis; each time they do, it puts them under the blessing of the Greater One, that they serve together. Couples who celebrate a Tantra ritual at least once a month keep their love alive in a very special way.