Love from the Heart

Often one partner suffers due to the other’s closed heart. Or someone lives alone and can open his heart neither for himself nor for others. Some people are completely emotionless and cold. Then a relationship suffers. It becomes “sick”, lacking the love from the heart. Some people with a closed heart do not even find a partner in the first place.

Like “locked in” sexuality, a closed heart can also point to unresolved issues in the family of origin. In this case, therefore, these questions become pressing: “Where does the closed heart actually belong?” or “Who was forced to close his heart, perhaps in order to survive?"

When at least one of the lovers is “heartless”:

A man chooses a very “cold” woman. He idolizes her and at the same time suffers from her icy cold. In the Family Constellation it turns out that his grandmother closed her heart after the death of her husband, the loss of her homeland and the loss of her three children. She did marry again and had more children, but she never opened her heart again.

His grandmother’s unresolved fate influences the man’s relationship through his subconscious choice of partner, as does, on her side, his wife’s identification with her cold mother. Once the lost hearts can be found again in the family systems, and looked at with love, the forced repetition of the patterns can end. Then the couple faces a new start and will have to learn to look at each other in a different way. The helpful Tantra tool of gentle penetration can then be used to revive and practise sexuality regularly without even without desire. This way the heart will open again, step by step. The foundation, however, is definitely putting the “family system in order”.

When the love didn’t flow from mother to child:

A person’s heart can be closed through the early childhood experience of a “heartless” mother. If an infant experiences that mother cannot give much, it may close its own heart at very early age in order to not always have to feel this almost life-threatening condition. The baby learns, “There isn’t much there for me. I must do everything on my own!” It is very burdensome for a partnership when there is one who cannot give and take. Therefore taking a look at the mother and past the mother at the ancestors can bring resolution. When the flow of love from parents to child (sometimes through several generations) is re-established, the best conditions for love in the partnership are created. The flow of love which runs like a one-way-street from the parents to the children is one of the most important bases for successful love between partners.

Woman among women, man among men

The binding of a man to the men in his family system and to the male “elementary power” as a whole is what makes him a man. The same is true for the woman. In our culture there are hardly any rituals of initiation into manhood and womanhood. Here the Tantra work has been enormously deepened and enriched by the insights of Bert Hellinger.

It seems almost even harder for a woman to stand within the circle of the mother and the women of her family system than it is for the man. But only when this takes place does femininity get its complete roundness and its own strength. The maleness in each man needs the blessing and the binding with the father, or the fathers. In Tantra seminars rituals are performed in which the father’s girl becomes mother’s girl and mother’s boy stands with the men. When this happens, love has it’s day. Women recharge their female energy among women. This is the importance of Tantra seminars for women. They don’t stand for themselves alone, women solving women’s issues, but always in service of love for the men, as well. The special blessing of the women’s circle is a jewel of the BeFree Tantra School. This jewel is the most precious one a woman can give a man – herself as a complete woman.

Open the heart for the partner and his/her family

It may already be a great achievement to re-open one’s own heart in regard to the faiths in one’s own family. However the love between man and woman only becomes really great, when this widened heart becomes a new perspective for the partner. Whoever respects and honours the parents in the partner has invited the complete power of love. This does not mean having to agree with what they think, say or do. It is enough to meet them with respect and thank them for giving the beloved partner the most precious thing of all, life. Whoever rejects the parents of the partner always rejects part of the partner. This is definitely not good for love!

Patchwork families

Today there are probably more separations and new commitments than ever before. What washas been, however, can neither be denied nor undone. The fact that those who came first have priority remains as a law of life. Where this order of love is respected, a fulfilling permanent love is possible in a patchwork family. This includes opening one’s heart for the beloved’s earlier partner. “You will always remain her first husband (partner) / his first wife (partner). I am only the second. Thank you for making space. Look at us friendlily when we are happy now!” Many people get upset about the word “only.” However it is these four letters which contain the entire love and peace. It is not enough to say these sentences or to think they should be felt. They have to be internally “carried out”. For patchwork families there are many orders or sequences to be observed. They can be looked up in Bert Hellinger’s books on successful partnership or the DVDs of when he works with couples.